Gear:
roasting pan w/rack
whip (or wisk)
knife
spoon
sautee pan
big bowl
big plate
cutting board
Materials:
one chicken
two stalks celery
three cloves garlic
six slices of bread
some olive oil
two bottles of white wine (something like a Husch Chard, or, for that european finish, Mouton Cadet Bordeaux or some sort of French table white - hey, it's cheaper than the Husch, too)
some wheat flour
a handful of sausage
another half a handful of currants
a tablespoon of capers
a tablespoon each of oregano, parsely, sage, rosemary and thyme (oregano is silent in the song)
some salt and pepper
Directions:
So, the first thing you do is get the chicken ready. Take the thing out of its plastic package - if you don't have plastic around your bird, you better know what to do to get the feathers off and the guts out - and run cold water over the entire bird, rinsing away anything stuck to the carcass. Dry it off, or, set it on a rack for the next few minutes to dry. Don't leave it out too long. If you want, put it on a largish plate and put it back in the fridge, which I expect you have on hand somewhere nearby.
Now, wash your hands, and open the wine. Yes, you get to have some in a glass - if you have stemware. I guess you can use a juice glass if you have to - it's up to you, really, isn't it? Remember to chill your wine - unless you can put it next to an open window in winter weather.
First, prepare the stuffing to fill the bird. Get a sautee pan and brown the sausage, throw it in a big bowl. While that's working, toast your bread. You can use the oven if you want. Take the bread, chop it into cubes about 1/2 inch thick, throw that in the bowl. Oh, I forgot the garlic and the onions. Chop them fairly fine and throw them in the pan with the sausage.
If you haven't finished your wine, you can throw some of it in the big bowl, too. I've found it's often nice to have some dish that requires a little of everything, including the wine you're drinking, thrown together into a large container. Gumbo, minestrone or coq au vin are all a bit that way, and you can only make them moreso.
Actually, you need enough wine in the stuffing to get it damp and not sopping. You should also add some olive oil, but I'll leave that up to you.
Did I mention the celery? Chop that fairly fine and you can sautee it for the guests who are celery-averse, or, throw it in the bowl raw. Put in a big spoonful of capers, too. And add the spices to the bowl, too. Now stir the pile into a well mixed heap. Perfect. You can have a little cheese and a few crackers whti the wine, you know. You're a good two hours away from eating - hands out of the sausage!
Roasting for poultry is, what? Twenty minutes per pound? And stuffing will multiply the time. Add twenty minutes per pound of stuffing, too. Big bird, lots of stuffing. You can weigh the stuffing beforehand, or, you can break into that second bottle of wine. You're going to need it for deglazing the pan, anyway.
So, if you've completed the stuffing, you can put it in the bird. Don't shove it in, just spoon it in. Sometimes it works better if you stand the carcass up with the legs straight up. If the bird is slippery, then it's either wet in which case you didn't dry it properly, or, you didn't wash it properly, or, perhaps it's too old? What does it smell like? The top of your mom's head? -or an old dead dog in a ditch. If it's the former, chuck it and call for reservations; if not, proceed.
Now you've got the stuffing in, you can truss the bird - or not. I'm not going to get into this esoteric stuff in here. Just try to make sure you don't lose your load out the back of the carcass while you're working the meal here, ok? Are you going to carve at the table? Is this a photo op or perhaps there will be juggling? You've got to make some decisions early on, and I can't advise you.
Get the roasting pan out and use a rack that holds the bird firmly together. A v-rack is fine. Throw a bit of celery and carrot whole in the bottom of the roasting pan. Throw in some onion, too, and, hey, a mushroom works.
Oh, don't forget to put some currants in the stuffing. Ah, well, if they're on this side of the bird now, you can have a handful with the wine here while we're preparing the other dishes.
Put the pan in the oven with the bird's back up. What? Not breast-up? No, it will be better if you roast it back-up. Look, go get another chicken and do them both: one back-up and one breast-up. The breast-up will look better on a platter and be a dry piece of junk, especially if you've stuffed the thing. If ya gonna stuff, ya gonna go back-up, K? You're making a flavor bomb, not an eye-pleaser (or ARE you? What ARE your plans? You're scaring me here.)
Give it 20 minutes per pound in the oven, including the stuffing, at three hundred fifty degrees. Basting every 40 minutes or so is ok but not essential. It'll give you the feeling of doing something if you're the pot-watching type. You can throw some wine in the pan, or at the first basting. Whatever - it's all about the experience, isn't it? You want to know the temprature at middle thigh for the finished bird? I think you can look that up. It'll be high, like one seventy or so.
OK, so now you're roasting. Time to multi-task and get everything else out on the table. Move it! Oh, look out for that stemware on the counter! Ba-da baa, ba-da baa, ba-da baaa, ba-da baaa, bap bada bada bada ba baaa, bap bada bada ba da ba baaa, ba ba baa daa, ba da bada ba baaaa . . . .
OK, an hour or so has passed, maybe two hours if you've got a big capon on your hands. You're in good shape. You've set the table, done the salad, whipped up some potatoes and maybe some green beans.
Reach in the oven and pull out your steaming hunk of meat. Transfer it to a big plate.
The bird has to rest when you've finished roasting the thing. Set it on a plate and don't cover it, just leave it on the counter. Don't take the stuffing out, you'll burn yourself. Relax. Take your roasting pan and put it on the stovetop, flip it on high and prepare for deglazing.
Hopefully the bottom of the roaster is covered with various bits of drippings, from liquid goo-like stuff, to mostly burnt to carbon-type stuff. This is good.
Now, get down your sautee pan and pour out the liquid stuff from the roaster into this pan. It should be all the fat and oils and such that cooked out of the bird. Think "liquid flavor." Heat up the pan and put in as much flour as will soak up the oil as is necessary. Go by the tablespoon. Use a whisk to mix it all together. Hot now? Good. Pour in some milk or cream and keep whipping. When it's all turned from a paste to a liquid, then turn off the pan and return your attention to the roasting pan.
A good place for a slug of wine.
Put your roaster over the stove burner. Get the roaster hot and throw in the wine. Don't be shy. There should be sizzling and steam initially. Now take your wisk or whip or whatever you call it and run it over the bottom of the pan. Whip all that gunk up on the bottom. Use the wine liquid to essentially clean the bottom of the pan. When it's all sloshing around loose, pour in the oil-cream-flour mixture from the sautee pan. Keep mixing until you get something that looks like gravy with hunks of burnt stuff in it. Now pour the whole mass through a strainer. Amazingly, your guests will consider you a god for having achieved what you just accomplished. You have created a flavor bomb of immense proportions.
Now you can take the stuffing out and put it in a bowl, or, heap it on the platter next to the bird. Hey, create! Have fun with it!
Now it's time for dinner.
Remember to save the carcass after the feed. Stock is next for this bad bag o' bones!
Happy buk-buk!